How To Build Trust With Someone | STOIC PHILOSOPHY
How To Build Trust With Someone | STOIC PHILOSOPHY
Short Summary:
This video challenges conventional wisdom about building trust, arguing that traditional methods like being nice and always saying yes are ineffective. Instead, it advocates for a more authentic and honest approach, emphasizing the importance of setting boundaries, being vulnerable, and showing up in times of crisis. The video explores various techniques for building trust, including saying "no" when necessary, stopping people-pleasing, being honest about intentions, embracing imperfections, avoiding overpromising, prioritizing reliability over availability, actively listening, sharing insecurities, and showing up in times of crisis. These techniques are presented as ways to cultivate genuine and lasting trust in relationships.
Detailed Summary:
Section 1: Introduction
The video begins by challenging the common misconception that being nice, agreeable, and playing it safe will earn someone's trust. It asserts that building trust is messy, uncomfortable, and often requires saying "no" more than "yes." The speaker emphasizes the importance of building real trust that lasts, suggesting that some of the techniques presented will challenge viewers' existing approaches to relationships.
Section 2: Say No When You Mean It
The video argues that saying "no" is a powerful way to build trust, as it demonstrates respect for one's own time and energy. The speaker explains that constantly saying "yes" can lead to people taking advantage of you and ultimately eroding trust. They share a personal anecdote about how they used to say "yes" to everything, which resulted in people not valuing their time. By setting boundaries and saying "no" when necessary, they gained respect and built genuine trust.
Section 3: Stop People-Pleasing
The video argues that people-pleasing is a trust killer, as it creates an unpredictable and inauthentic persona. The speaker explains that people-pleasers are often seen as unreliable and untrustworthy because they are afraid to stand up for themselves. They share a personal experience of being a people-pleaser, which led to exhaustion, frustration, and a lack of respect from others. By starting to express their true feelings and stopping trying to please everyone, they gained genuine trust from those around them.
Section 4: Be Honest About Your Intentions
The video emphasizes the importance of being upfront about one's intentions, arguing that hiding them creates suspicion and erodes trust. The speaker shares a story about a business partnership where they were hesitant to be clear about their motives, which ultimately led to mistrust and a lack of progress. They advocate for transparency and direct communication, even if it makes people uncomfortable, as it fosters an environment where trust can thrive.
Section 5: Be Real, Not Perfect
The video challenges the pursuit of perfection, arguing that it creates a false and untrustworthy persona. The speaker explains that people are more likely to trust someone who is willing to admit their flaws and imperfections. They share a personal experience of trying to appear perfect in front of a client, which ultimately led to a disconnect. By admitting their limitations and being honest about their mistakes, they gained the client's respect and built a stronger relationship.
Section 6: Don't Overpromise
The video warns against overpromising, as it sets people up for disappointment and erodes trust. The speaker shares a story about overpromising on a work project, which led to frustration and a loss of credibility. They emphasize the importance of being realistic and only promising what one can deliver, arguing that under-promising and over-delivering builds trust and reliability.
Section 7: Be Reliable, Not Available
The video challenges the notion that being constantly available builds trust, arguing that it can lead to people taking you for granted. The speaker explains that true reliability comes from following through on commitments, not just being readily available. They share a personal experience of being overly available, which resulted in people treating them like a backup plan. By setting boundaries and prioritizing commitments, they gained respect and built a stronger sense of reliability.
Section 8: Listen, Don't Just Hear
The video emphasizes the importance of active listening, arguing that it is crucial for building trust. The speaker explains that many people simply wait for their turn to speak, rather than truly engaging with what the other person is saying. They share a personal experience of failing to truly listen to a friend, which resulted in a loss of trust. They advocate for being fully present and engaged in conversations, asking follow-up questions, and understanding the emotions behind the words.
Section 9: Share Your Insecurities
The video challenges the idea that hiding insecurities builds trust, arguing that vulnerability actually fosters connection and trust. The speaker explains that sharing insecurities demonstrates authenticity and humanizes you, making you more relatable and trustworthy. They share a personal experience of opening up about their insecurities to a friend, which led to a deeper level of trust and connection.
Section 10: Show Up in Crisis
The video emphasizes the importance of showing up in times of crisis, arguing that it is the ultimate test of loyalty and reliability. The speaker shares a personal experience of supporting a friend during a difficult time, which solidified their bond and built trust. They advocate for being present and supportive in times of need, not just offering words of encouragement from a distance.
Conclusion:
The video concludes by reiterating the importance of authenticity, vulnerability, and showing up in times of crisis for building genuine and lasting trust. It encourages viewers to reflect on the presented techniques and apply them to their own relationships. The speaker emphasizes that trust is not something that can be faked or forced, but rather something that is earned through genuine actions and behaviors.